I'm not standing on who's side now.
Just saying the (my) facts.

Sis, you did said that I can have relationship with him again later.
But, what's the difference between now and then?
Maybe both of us will be more mature, but how long does it takes?

I admit that time I'm too rush to have a breakup with him without making clear of what's happening/our problem.
And I'm too optimistic and don't trust him since he betrayed me that time.
But, being apart will not change that problem.
What if I trust him again?
What if his mum really accepted me?
If that's true, can we talk about this peacefully to solve the problems?

You all said that he's not a good person and never loved me before, just want to cheat my feelings.
Yes, it's true in the first place.
But after so many things happened, he didn't gave up.
He still want to face our family even though you all hate him so much.

He's not like my previous boyfriend.
Just one e-mail you typed scare him to nowhere.
That kind of person is the one who really don't love me.
Just because you found out of our relationship, my ex just left me and find another one 1 week later.

First, I must say that he's wrong.
He shouldn't betrayed me in the first place since he said that he loved me so much.
He shouldn't anyhow scold vulgar or being rude to our family.
He shouldn't sweet talk with me so much till we don't even trust him.
He shouldn't just blame everything on us on the first place.

But, there's also something that we've done wrong.
We shouldn't being rude to them too.
That time er ge called him and scolded him vulgar too.
Even though is testing whether he would scold back, it will be the same thing too if that happens to er ge cause they are bad tempered people.
And I know he had changed cause I told him to.
He did scold me before when I said something wrong, that means there's also vulgaries.
Not like you said that he didn't.
He's being rude to our family cause we're being rude to them.
In the first place, we shouldn't scold he's mum a B*tch too.
It's really not very nice.

My family, you all must understand me, or at least how I feel.
I'm saying out all these that's keeping in my mind for a long time and you all say stop contacting with him means stop without considering my feelings.
I'm sorry that I betrayed you all the first place.
I'm really sorry.
But,
Who like to see us scolding one another like that?
I really hope we can settle down and talk calmly.
I really want both families to live together happily in the future.

I know you all are too worried about me.
But if the problem switched over, whereby you all allow me to have relationship but his family doesn't, and they just run to our house and scold us, will we feel happy?
No.

I wanted to be happy.
I gave up this relationship because of my family.
Cause I know, by doing this, you all will be happy.
But I'm not.
I'm really not.
It's easy to give up but it's not in my heart.
Do you all understand this kinda feeling?

For these 3-4 months, I must say that I can't fall in love with other people anymore.
Maybe, for now, a few years?
I don't know.

You all must be thinking "How you know?"
Yes, I know cause I tried to go out with a boy gender friend alone and I'm like in a lost.
I'm just alone with a friend who is a boy and I'm like that.
I don't want to say who.
But I just went home in 5-10 minutes after meeting him.
He bought movie tickets already but I didn't watch it and went home.
If you all don't believe me, I still keep that ticket with the entry piece there.

Cause his exsistance changed me.
He taught me how to be brave.
Changed my life and how I look at things.
And I'm not brain-washed with his sweet talks.

At least he really did improve and encourage me to improve on my Chinese that time when I got back my results.
He showed me his 'O' level results and told me not to give up no matter what.
He's being by my side on that day itself when I received my Chinese results, and I'm really disppointed.
You can ask my friends how disppointed I am that day as how high I'm expecting my results to be.

You know, our family don't really tell one another about how we love each other or our problems.
That's what he can.
If you want me to tell you all my problems personally, I really don't know how to.
Even if it's writing notes to each other, I also can't.

I must say again I'm not standing on who's side.
It's 4am now.
I'm staying up late to type all this cause I'm hiding this for very long time.
Mostly because our house's internet is still down.

I'll just hope for the best.
Even if just friends with him, I'm also happy.
Really normal friends, I swear.
Cause I have to trust him from the start in order to accept him.
Not like last time I said but I didn't do it.

I know when you all read this, you will grab me to explain a lot of things again.
But, all I feel and wanted to say is all here.
All typed here.
So, whatever you all ask, I will still say the same.
That's all.

After I wrote this, if next time he still betray me, I'll just admit my life.
At least staying with him I'll feel happy.

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2:45 AM 0 Comments

Got back my results on the 12th.
I'm so super nervous that time.
When it's my turn (which is first) to take my result, I kept asking Mr Hafeez...
"Did I do well? Can I go poly?"
And his answer was to put my result slip in front of me and said "Can~"

Shocked that I didn't cry.
Yes, didn't ._.
While my friends around me were crying. lol.

Happy that...:
- I passed my English 0.0
- my chinese improved from C6 to B3, with my oral/aural of ONLY a pass (:
- I amazingly passed my humanities (which i failed since starting of sec 4) with B3! ((:
- Mr Hafeez actually said "very good" of passing my combined science with a B3~ (((:
(didn't expect that myself)

Duper uper sad that...:
- I score a lousy B4 for my art = efforts wasted, damn. ):
- I had a SUPER poor C6 for my E-maths )):
(I'm expecting a B something, but at least I passed)

Quite poor as I expect a 15 or so for my L1R4.
But at least I'm eligible for poly. (:

I must thank my family for giving me anti-stress on my studies, which is sometimes bad cause I'll be lazy. =p
Thank my teachers for teaching and conducting extra lessons. (:
Thank my friends for their time to explain and teach me. ^^
Lastly, thank you... for encouraging me and pushing me to do better everytime. (as can see from my chinese results)
_________________________________________________________________

Speaking of this, there's not much worries for now.

Only problem is to get in the course I wanted.
I must say that 9/10 of the courses I chosen are in Design school.
I don't care how poor my results were, I still choose it cause that's my interest. (:
I'm interested in Psychology studies too but it's really impossible for an aggregate of 15 to go into a course of 9.

And, relationships.
Sigh...
I wonder how long must my heart hurt me.
Yes, I know that I never consider my family's feelings before I contact him.
But, I must say, who consider my feelings?

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2:15 AM 0 Comments

Sorry for the late post here. My house's Internet is still down. )):

03/01/2009 - Gathering with my 5/6 Kindness Primary School classmates
It's been 4-5 years since we last met.
Have loads of FUN and laughter. :DDD

First, I meet up with Jolene and Shi Ping at Hougang Interchange to go Tampines together.
I was the first to reach, followed by Jolene, then Shi Ping.
We started to laugh at one another already. LOL.

After that, we took bus 27 (?) and saw Wen Hao (our organiser).
He didn't change much. Still recognisable.
He's really damn tall compare to last time. o.o

Then, we meet Chee Cheun at Tampines MRT station.
And Jolene, Shi Ping and Me went to Pastamania for lunch while the guys went to arcade.
After 20 minutes or so, Yu Ying came.
She never changed much also. (:

Shawn joined us after that.
I'll say he lost lots and lots of weight. =xx
Seriously. 0.0
And tall.

We went to toys'r'us and walk around.
Then Wen Hao and Chee Cheun went to fetch Jing Xiang.
I don't even know when he appeared behind us.
Shi Ping and I were in a shock when we saw him.
He seems like a stranger to us yet his character is still the same.
Walking like floating, talking with no expressions. HAHA!
(p.s: maybe it's because he get rid of his mushroom hairstyle =xxx)

Went to watch the movie, Seven Pounds after that.
It's a really touching movie and heard many people sniffing at the end of the show.

Wen Hao and Chee Cheun ran off half way, which left us nowhere to go.
The organiser ran off first. =.=

We decided to go bowling at Hougang.
Met Siew Wai on the way.
What a coincidence. (:

Shi Ping and I just sit down there and watch them play.
My reason is I'm a lousy bowler and I wore skirt that day, and it's short ._.
After that, Shi Ping and I went home while they stayed to play one more game.

PHOTOS TIME! XD
Bowling @ Hougang